


Bloom

by jenpix



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dubious Consent, First Time, M/M, Pseudo-Incest, Sex Pollen, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:02:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25843270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenpix/pseuds/jenpix
Summary: The first thing he noticed was the heat. A sudden, overwhelming heat. It started by his neck, his throat tightening, cutting off oxygen to his brain. The heat spread lower, permeating throughout his chest and abdomen, focusing and growing in his groin. Every inch of his skin was on fire. He couldn’t breathe; he couldn’t think. He needed something- anything- to relieve the ache that had abruptly settled in his bones. Lust utterly consumed him.“Something’s wrong.” Diego concluded.Five could only nod in agreement, beginning to look more and more debauched as every second passed. His pupils were blown wide and his eyes were even darker than usual as they roamed over Diego’s body, taking him all in. The original violation that Diego felt dissipated when he saw Five’s perplexed visage almost instantly transform into desire. A light sheen of sweat appeared on Five’s brow, his perfectly coiffed hair was wrecked from how he gripped and pulled at it. His mouth was pressed into a hard grimace, that adorable dimple carving into his cheek.“Something’s wrong.” Five agreed.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Diego Hargreeves
Comments: 26
Kudos: 279





	Bloom

**Author's Note:**

> In this universe, Five never time traveled to the apocalypse and Ben is alive. All characters are over eighteen and no one has left the academy yet. 
> 
> This is my first fic ever! I really love this ship and I think I've read all the works in this category multiple times by now, so I was very inspired to write my own! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think (and if you hate it please go easy on me haha).

Diego made his way down to the kitchen that morning in a good mood. He had even woken up early, excited that the group was getting to go on a mission that day without their father, even if the mission would probably be boring and not dangerous in the slightest.

Reginald Hargreeves had fucked off to somewhere else in the world on urgent scientific business and had left the Umbrella Academy under the care of Grace and Pogo. Luther was the only one in constant contact with their father, reporting on training and receiving instructions about missions from the man. A few days before, the academy had rescued five young adults that a certain Dr. Edwin Spark, a mad scientist type, had kidnapped and experimented on. Today’s mission was a simple one. The Umbrella Academy had already located Dr. Spark’s secret laboratory and were to collect samples of his different concoctions before other law enforcement found it and turned the place into a crime scene.

Sitting across the table from each other were Number Five and Luther, engaged in a heated discussion.

“Come on, Luther.” Five said. “You’ve got to let me have a crack at analyzing Dr. Spark’s work.”

“Absolutely not.” Luther shook his head. “I’m in charge when Dad’s not here, and if we don’t send him the samples, he’s going to kill us. Besides, he knows what he’s doing.”

“That’s not to say that I don’t.” Five argued. “You saw what happened to his test subjects-”

“Victims.” Luther corrected.

“Victims, whatever, you saw how they mutated! How this guy was able to change the molecular biology of those poor fuckers while keeping them alive and in good health-”

“Good health? He turned them into human-animal-hybrids!”

“Ah, yes, I can see how a couple beastly mutations could strike a nerve with you.”

Luther just glared at him in response.

“As I was saying, I need to know how he was able to do that. Analyzing his work wouldn’t purely be for my own entertainment, either. It could lead to discoveries that could help modern medicine. I could learn more about the condition that the victims are in now, whether or not the results are permanent, all sorts of useful information!”

“And that’s exactly why we need to send all the samples to Dad.” Luther said. “He makes the rules for a reason. He’s the only one that can be trusted to handle such…sensitive data.”

“Don’t be so banal.”

“What?” Luther asked.

“He’s saying that you’re a cliché of yourself.” Diego chimed in from across the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“I’m not even saying that we shouldn’t send the samples to Reginald.” Five continued.

“Dad.” Luther corrected again.

“For Christ’s sake, can you drop the teacher’s pet demeanor for a minute and pay attention to me? All I’m trying to say is that you can collect as many samples as you want and ship them dutifully to _daddy_ , and meanwhile, I’ll collect some samples of my own to study at our research facilities here at the academy.”

Luther was silent for a beat, hackles clearly raised.

“This conversation is ridiculous.” Luther finally said. “You are absolutely not collecting your own samples to study by yourself at the lab here. These are dangerous chemicals, and boy genius or not, you are not equipped to handle them on your own. If Dad was here to help you? Maybe that would be different. Heck, maybe if you just asked him to tell you about the chemical properties of the drugs when he got back, he might even indulge you in that.”

“You know he won’t.” Five insisted.

“Either way, you evidently can’t be trusted to do recon on the secret lab with the rest of us. I can’t risk you trying to collect your own data and taking it back to the academy. You’re going to have to explore the rest of the property with Diego, and Klaus will come with us inside the lab instead.”

“Hey!” Diego exclaimed while Five groaned. “What the hell? Why am I being punished for this?”

“I’ve made my decision.” Luther said to Five with an air of finality. “Klaus, Ben, Allison, and I will explore the laboratory and take back the samples. You and Diego can photograph the outside of the lab and the rest of the property and stay out of the way while everyone else completes the mission.” He pushed his chair back from the table and headed towards the stairs.

Diego pouted and Five cursed. Neither of them wanted to wait outside with the other while the rest of their siblings got to explore the top-secret lab of a deranged scientist.

Diego and Five never got along. The feud between Diego and Five was not like the one between him and Luther. While Diego actively antagonized Luther, even more than the rest of his siblings, it was clear that his problem with Luther was that naturally, as Number One and Number Two, they had been pitted against each other by their father for most of their lives. His mild disdain for Five, however, was strictly personal. Diego always hated Five’s holier-than-thou attitude, his smug expression whenever he was right, his ever-present arrogance. He was bitchy and bossy and _mean_ and just overall unpleasant to be around. He always thought he was the smartest person in the room, and even though he usually was, Diego couldn’t help but relish in moments someone stood up to him. To see his annoyingly handsome face scrunch in frustration and his pretty eyes narrow. If the situation with Luther didn’t directly affect Diego as it did, he probably would have enjoyed seeing Five’s ass handed to him a bit. 

As far as Diego concerned, Five was always more of a pet cat than a brother, the way he would teleport around the rest of the family, coming and going as he pleased. And what made it worse? He didn’t even know if Five disliked him. As a general rule, Five was distant from the rest of the academy, seemingly always keeping an air of indifference rather than letting anger control his emotions and opinions and like Diego. Utilitarian and forthright. Whenever Diego would jab at Five, Five was always ready to snark right back at him. When he wasn’t making his sarcastic little comments, he just ignored Diego. He wasn’t sure which was worse.

“Damnit Five,” Diego glared at him. “You couldn’t have just gotten your own samples without telling Luther?”

“Not now, Diego.” Five droned, downing the rest of his coffee before promptly disappearing.

When they arrived at the property, Diego was surprised by how barren of a wasteland his surroundings seemed to be. While their siblings went inside, he and Five photographed the hulking, plain looking barn that was supposedly home to a super-secret, high-tech laboratory. Diego took pictures of the barn from all angles while Five teleported back and forth the property, jotting down the perimeters and square footage of the area as he went.

“There’s a small green house on that hill.” Five appeared in front of Diego, startling him.

“Where?”

“About half a mile that way.” Five pointed. “We should go inside, there might be more of his experiments in there.”

“Sounds good,” Diego sighed, bored, and picked up his radio from his waistband to cue Luther.

“Wait,” Five stopped him. “You really want to tell Luther about it so he can make us wait outside while he checks it out himself?”

“Is this still about the sampling?”

“I brought my own specimen containers with me.” Five admitted. “We’ll just go inside, I’ll collect my own samples, and then we can call Luther and tell him about it. Now come on, let’s hurry before someone else notices it.”

With that, he sprang forward and wrapped his arms around Diego. The sudden close contact brought all of Diego’s blood into his cheeks, blushing hard all the way down his neck. It only took that split second of the embrace for Diego to realize how much bigger he was than Five. While Diego was nearly six feet tall, Five was probably only 5’8. He wasn’t skinny, per say, but was slender and lean.

His thoughts were disrupted by the flash of blue light around them and instant change of surroundings.

“I hate when you do that.” Diego grouched. “Always makes me nauseous. Warn a guy first.”

“Get a stronger stomach, princess.” Five glowered back before heading into the greenhouse.

Inside the glass walls of the greenhouse, the air was humid and thick. The greenhouse was small, and thus, there was only one row of plants that split down the middle of the shed. The plants were tall, with bulky, dark green stems and massive, lighter green buds at the top.

“Interesting,” Five mused, looking over one of the plants. “They haven’t bloomed yet. What was he planning for these?”

“I guess it would be too naïve to assume that horticulture was just a hobby for this guy.” Diego grunted in response, reaching out to graze the top of the plant with his fingertips.

“Wait!” Five shrieked, his voice betraying him as it cracked. “Don’t touch that, you idiot, it could be poisonous. I brought gloves and tongs.”

But it was too late, Diego had already stroked the top of the plant. Nothing happened.

“See?” Diego rolled his eyes. “I touched a plant and we weren’t instantly destroyed.”

“What is it with you and your childish impulses?” Five snapped at him. “How about, don’t touch anything here, this place was owned by a man who tried to cross human and fish genes to make a real live mermaid?”

“Alright, relax,” Diego huffed. “Hand me a pair of those gloves.”

Right as he said that, they both noticed that the plant he had just touched had begun to open.

“It’s blooming.” Five noticed. “Shit, we need to get out of here in case it germinates.”

The bud suddenly burst open, revealing a thick ball of pink and purple petals.

“It’s pretty.” Diego joked, although he was suddenly very entranced with the large flower as dread started to pool in his stomach.

Small yellow seeds released from the center of the flower, and suddenly Diego was struck by how lovely the aroma around him was.

“Do you smell that?” He asked, turning to look at Five and-

Oh.

He should have listened when Five was talking about germination.

The first thing he noticed was the heat. A sudden, overwhelming heat. It started by his neck, his throat tightening, cutting off oxygen to his brain. The heat spread lower, permeating throughout his chest and abdomen, focusing and growing in his groin. Every inch of his skin was on fire. He couldn’t breathe; he couldn’t think. He needed something- anything- to relieve the ache that had abruptly settled in his bones. Lust utterly consumed him. For a second, he felt the tell-tale shock of humiliation run through him, but as soon as it appeared, it was overtaken by his need.

“Something’s wrong.” Diego concluded, before he forgot how to worry.

Five could only nod in agreement, beginning to look more and more debauched as every second passed. His pupils were blown wide and his eyes were even darker than usual as they roamed over Diego’s body, taking him all in. The original violation that Diego felt dissipated when he saw Five’s perplexed visage almost instantly transform into desire. A light sheen of sweat appeared on Five’s brow, his perfectly coiffed hair was wrecked from how he gripped and pulled at it. His mouth was pressed into a hard grimace, that adorable dimple carving into his cheek. Diego was starting to become…affected as he reveled in Five. He looked down and saw that Five was affected by Diego as well, both of them with sudden erections, diamond hard and painful.

“Something’s wrong.” Five agreed, his voice barely above a murmur as Diego closed the gap between them.

Then everything went black.

Diego was only granted flashes of coherence throughout the next thirty minutes, or however long it took for their siblings to find them.

Watching Five as they both feverishly stripped off their clothes, eyes roaming over his leanly muscled arms and abs, his long legs, his heavy, aching cock that he fisted in his hand.

The next time he came to, he had Five pressed up against a glass wall and he was pretty sure they had both orgasmed at least once, but neither of their erections were fading. Diego collected their combined semen from where it had streaked across Five’s stomach, rubbing it between his fingers and reaching behind Five. Five moaned, sending a spark of satisfaction through Diego, wrapping a leg around Diego’s waist as he pushed his fingers inside him.

And then somehow the pair of them had made it to the floor, Diego just barely coming to as he sank deep into Five. Five was crying underneath him, scratching at his back and pleading for more. When Diego pulled his face out of the crook of Five’s neck, his blurry vision confirmed that he was crying, too. He swiped at his eyes as he began to fuck Five in earnest, taking in the vision before him. Five’s cheeks were ruddy, and his dark hair was matted with sweat and somehow semen. He gazed up at Diego with those pretty green eyes, those intense eyes that Diego had admittedly always found entrancing.

“Fuck, Five,” Diego moaned. “You’re so beautiful, fuck-”

“Diego,” Five panted, pulling him down to kiss him. “Harder! Please, want you to fuck me harder. Make me feel it, Diego, _please_.”

And then, after what he’s sure must have been several minutes like that, both boys coming themselves dry but neither’s erections were softening. He remembers the sex becoming painful, and the panicked expression on Five’s face as his ecstatic cries started to turn into distressed wails. His blunt nails clawed at Diego’s back, finally breaking the skin, but neither of them knew for sure if he was trying to pull him closer or push him away.

The last thing he remembered before waking up in the infirmary was reaching towards and crying out for Five as Luther physically pried the pair of them apart. Allison was kneeling at Five’s side, and he looked scared and a little dazed, and seemed to be fazing in and out of consciousness. Diego couldn’t bear to be so far away from him. The angry cry that ripped from his chest was nothing short of a roar as he tore himself out of Luther’s grasp and ran towards Five, who was officially unconscious as Ben and Allison pulled his shorts up and tried to haul him away from Diego.

Then something hit him in the head, knocking him out cold.

Diego woke up feeling like his mouth was stuffed with cotton. He was utterly parched when he opened his eyes, seeing Space Boy sitting at the side of his bed. he was in the infirmary.

“He’s awake!” Luther called to the doorway.

He handed Diego a glass of water. He gingerly sat up before gulping down the water in its entirety. It was only when his thirst was quenched that he was able to focus on the other aches and pains in his body. His head throbbed, his biceps and hamstrings were on fire, and his _dick._ He was sure that it was broken.

“How long was I out?” He asked, noticing that Allison had joined them in the room, taking a seat next to Luther.

“It’s been a day.”

“A _day_?” Diego exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head with a grimace. “I thought concussed people weren’t supposed to fall asleep.”

“That’s widely regarded as a misconception by most health care professionals. Plus, you were affected by some kind of drug, it’s different.” Luther informed him. “We only had to wake you up a few times to make sure you were okay.”

This headache was unbearable, and Luther’s know-it-all temperament was making it worse.

“What happened? Where’s Five?” Diego looked to Allison.

“He’s in his room.” She said.

“As for what happened,” Luther sighed. “Well, that’s what we wanted to talk to you about.”

Memories of the morning before started coming back to him. Hazy as they were, an instant wave of nausea crashed over him.

“I don’t remember.” He lied.

“I think you do.” Allison said. “Don’t make me rumor you.”

“I really don’t remember. Just…bits and pieces.”

“Bits and pieces?”

“There was a plant.” He tried to explain. “I remember there was this plant. I touched it, even though he told me not to. It basically exploded open, and then there were all these spores and we breathed them in.” He trailed off, looking away from them.

“Then what?” Luther pushed.

“I don’t know. It all happened so fast.” He said. “I swear, it was like we were high. We couldn’t control ourselves.”

He was struck with a memory. Just a flash of Five’s face in his mind, his inquisitive eyes were glazed over. His mouth parted as he sucked in shallow breaths, his cheeks streaked with red. They hollowed out as he began to cry out in earnest. He looked raptured and euphoric and Diego could still hear him sobbing his name.

“He was barely conscious when we found you.” Luther glared at him.

The implication struck Diego like a knee to the solar plexus.

“You found us in the green house of a famously mad scientist.” Diego shot back. “After we had _both_ been drugged, or something, from whatever that plant had exposed us to.”

Diego noticed Klaus leaning against the doorway.

“Sex pollen!” Klaus cackled as he wandered into the room. “Oh, this is just _rich_. And to think if Luther hadn’t changed the plan last minute, I would have gotten to go into that sex house with you!”

“What is wrong with you, Séance?” Luther barked. “If you’re not going to be helpful, get out.”

“Helpful? And how is your interrogation helpful, exactly?” Klaus retorted, giggling madly. “God, this is the best scandal we’ve had on the family incest front in years. The two of you sneaking around got boring ages ago.” He waved his hand toward Luther and Allison. “But Diego and _Five_ , the Five who, by the way, everyone just assumed was asexual? This is gold.”

“I am not asexual.” A familiar drawl resonated from the hallway. “Having boundaries and conducting myself in a diplomatic manner does not make me an asexual.”

 _Shit_. Diego groaned internally as he pulled the white sheet of the infirmary bed higher up his waist as he saw Five stumble (read: limp) into the room and grab onto an armchair for support.

“What are you doing here?” Luther asked, sounding equally annoyed and concerned. “Mom said you need to lay in your bed for the rest of the day.”

“I completed my self-examination and I’m confident that the effects of the pollen have officially diminished. With enough rest and recuperation, we should have our strength back by tomorrow. No permanent harm. No reason to ever mention this again.”

“Five, we already talked about this upstairs. I really think I should tell Dad what happened.”

“No!” Five and Diego asserted in unison.

“I’m with Jamie and Cersei over here.” Klaus said. “I don’t even want to think about what daddy dearest would do if he found out that his sons fucked like that. And just so you two know, it was truly depraved, the scene we walked into. You must have really been going at it. Before Five passed out, we could hear all the ‘more, Diego, harder’s from the bottom of the hill.”

“Enough.” Allison cut him off. “But I do agree. If Five is right-”

“And I always am.” Five interjected.

“There really doesn’t seem to be any reason to tell Dad.” Allison finished.

Luther looked conflicted, before finally conceding.

“Okay,” He said. “I’ll leave it out of the report. I’ll send the flower and he can figure it out on his own. But if he ever finds out about this, I’m not going to be blamed as the one who kept it from him.”

“He won’t find out.” Five and Diego said together, again.

Diego winced.

“Ooh,” Klaus sang. “Do you two have some kind of post-coital mind connection now are something?”

Five glowered at him, before summoning all of his strength and trying to warp out of the room. He still hadn’t recharged enough since teleporting downstairs, however, and Luther unceremoniously lifted him in his arms seeing as he could barely walk. Diego wasn’t sure if it was the fatigue or the humiliation, but Five barely even protested.

3 days later

It turns out that Five wasn’t always right after all.

It had only taken another day or so for Diego to make his full recovery from the ‘sex pollen’, but the aftermath for Five was much worse. Diego supposed that made sense, and it made him feel fairly guilty to know that while he got away with some light dick chafing, Five had been the one who had been fucked hard with little prep. Klaus had been more than happy to taunt Diego with the knowledge that Five had torn inside, and that Mom had insisted on examining and applying medicine to the laceration. Also, something about being drugged had weakened Five’s ability to teleport, and probably not wanting to be seen limping pitifully around the academy, Five had refused to leave his room until he was strong enough to spatial jump to where he needed to go.

Their siblings, for the most part, were pretty sympathetic and accommodating of this. Allison snuck meals up to his room when he couldn’t make it to the dining table. Ben had even helped him walk to the bathroom a few times when he needed to lean on someone. Vanya spent the most time in Five’s room with him, playing her violin for him, filling in crossword puzzles together, and discussing anything except what had happened on the mission. For the two people most socially isolated from the rest of the academy, the odd pair seemed to get along well. But if anything, Vanya mainly served as a buffer against Klaus’ irritating, invasive questions.

And Klaus had a lot of irritating, invasive questions.

Diego did not visit him. No one could blame him for it. He would have felt even guiltier about confronting Five with what happened when he was still bedridden. It was annoying as hell when Five would vanish in the middle of conversations, but Diego didn’t think it would be right to step into Five’s bedroom when he didn’t really have the option to evade him.

Diego was haunted by flashbacks of what happened a week prior. Just flickers of a memory. The way Five’s hair flopped into his face, and how Diego had reverently pushed it back so he could stare into his eyes. The sensation he felt when he first slipped inside him, and how it grew stronger as he gauged Five’s enraptured expression as he ravaged his body.

Even in the darkest chasm of his subconscious, he was ashamed to yearn for the memories in totality. He was spellbound by the fragments he did have of the incident. Precious little snippets where he got to see a side to Five that no one had ever seen. When they were children, Five had always been the cutest kid of the bunch. It was no surprise that his beauty only grew into his young adulthood. But as they grew older, his edges sharpened. His easy wit that had once been charming and funny soured with cruelty. What once was adorably menacing had become actual danger. Diego got to tame that casual malice, albeit in a way that was hardly subdued. And in return, he got to witness Five, lascivious and unashamed. Stunningly beautiful. Alluring in his vulnerability.

But then there were the remnants of the end that made him grateful for his limited recollection. How his wanton face contorted with horror. How Diego also grew alarmed, especially as he grimly realized that he couldn’t have stopped if he tried. And then there was the aftermath. Everyone shouting as Luther had to pry their naked bodies apart. Klaus swinging what Diego later learned to be a shovel at the back of his head. None of that was worse than the blurry memory Diego had of Five as Allison tried to help him pull his shorts back on. His face was so blank. Numb. He remembered seeing Ben and Allison carry him away, Five either out cold or completely catatonic.

Diego was startled out of his reverie by sharp rapping on his door frame.

“Not now, Klaus!” He called, agitated already by the prospect of another day of teasing.

“Not Klaus.”

That classic drawl that always announced Five’s presence caught Diego off guard, partly because it was missing it’s accompanying flash of blue light.

“I’m coming in, we need to talk.”

“Not like you to knock.” Diego remarked as Five slipped into his room, shutting the door behind him.

“Well, my spatial jumping has been a little unpredictable lately.”

“I know, Klaus told me.” Diego nodded, sliding all the way over on the bed so Five could sit by him.

Five appeared a little wary of Diego’s bed, taking a breath visibly steeling himself before sitting down.

“I can sit over there if you want me to.” Diego offered, pointing at his desk chair. “If it makes you more comfortable.”

The scowl he received from Five had him immediately regret saying anything.

“It’s not the proximity that’s disquieting, if that’s what you meant.”

“Oh.” Diego felt his face heat up, embarrassed.

He could almost hear Klaus warbling in his mind.

_Wow, Diego! Three days later and the poor boy still can’t sit down!_

“Nevertheless,” Five continued, shifting uncomfortably being settling with one of his legs bent beneath him. “We need to discuss this.”

Diego shrugged. Apprehension prickled throughout his body. He had been dreading this conversation.

“Honestly, Five, I really wasn’t expecting to talk to you about this so soon.”

“Is that why you haven’t been to see me?” Five asked bitterly, looking away from him.

Diego stiffened. The guilt that had settled in Diego’s chest only intensified. The tone of his voice, the look of pain that had flashed across his face. All so uncharacteristically _Five_. Five faltered, as well, seemingly surprised by himself. 

“That came out wrong.” Five said, sounding a little guilty. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, you’re right. I thought about coming to you. I probably would have come today if you hadn’t come to me.” Diego lied.

Five merely raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, maybe I wouldn’t have.” Diego admitted. “But it’s not just because I didn’t want to talk about it. Klaus has been rubbing salt in the wound all weekend, and everyone else has been coddling you, which I know you find unnerving. I wasn’t sure how to act. And I didn’t want to corner you in your room if you weren’t able to teleport away. But if you’re ready to have this conversation, so am I. Here we go. Five, I am so sorry-”

“No.” Five said, his voice sure and confident besides the fact that he must have been as uneasy as Diego. “Here’s what we’re not going to do: We are not going to blame ourselves or one another for actions we committed when we were ‘sex pollen’ed.”

“But, Five,” Diego faltered. “Bro, it’s been days since we woke up and you still can’t sit down.”

“That’s beside the point.” Five insisted. “And if that’s what this is about to you, any physical injury I may have sustained, you can rest assured, I will be completely back to normal by next week.”

“And how do you know that?” Diego questioned, although the information did placate him a little. “Another self-examination?”

“Yes.” Five nodded brusquely.

“And what was your original deadline that you gave yourself to heal when we were all in the infirmary? A day or two?”

“That’s not fair.” Five looked down, sulking. “At that time, I had no point of reference for how long something like this would take to heal, or how my powers reacted to an experience where my body was physically weakened, and my mind was distracted. Now I have more information.”

It was crazy to think how just days ago, Diego would have relished in the knowledge that Five was admitting he was wrong about something. Now, Diego just wanted to give Five a win. Get to see that knowing smirk again.

_No point of reference._

Diego’s heart started to beat faster, and his body tensed at the implication.

Of course, his siblings teased Five for seeming so sexless, but Diego never actually thought Five was completely asexual. He knew that Five snuck around at night. He distinctly remembered a night where boredom and laziness intertwined, wanting to go out one night without having to tie his bedsheets into a rope and scale the side of the academy. He was fully prepared to beg Five to teleport him somewhere in the city but when he went into Five’s room, he discovered that the little shit was already gone. He had been sneaking out, just like the rest of his siblings. It was only because he didn’t brag about it like everyone else that up until that point, Diego had assumed that Five had just been sleeping or reading alone in his room. 

So naturally, Diego concluded that there was no way that Five was a virgin. Everyone else in the family, except for Luther and probably Vanya, had dipped their toes into the promiscuity pool that was New York City by the time they were 16. And Diego was aware that Five was easily the most attractive sibling of the bunch. If Five was sneaking around the city at night, he was getting around. And if Five didn’t brag about it like the rest of his siblings, it was just like the act of sneaking out in general. He didn’t have to talk about it, but everyone knew he did it.

_Right?_

“Five... That wasn’t your first time, was it?”

“Of course, it was.” Five was incredulous. “It wasn’t yours?”

“Well no, not exactly.”

“What? Who else have you done that with?”

“I don’t know, Five, I’ve been sneaking out at night for years now. I’m pretty sure all of us have. I know you do, for Christ’s sake, you’re the one who can teleport.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m going around sleeping with everyone in the city! Not bars, or clubs, or wherever the rest of you waste your time.”

“Oh yeah?” Diego asked. “Where do you go when you sneak out then?”

“The library. Sometimes Griddy’s.” Five said seriously.

Diego blinked. “That coffee shop where we would all eat donuts until we puked?”

“Yes. Except now it’s just peace and quiet and a decent cup of coffee.”

“So, you’ve really never… With anyone?” Diego asked gently.

Fives face turned visibly pink, either with anger or embarrassment, and Diego tried not to think about the last time he had seen Five’s cheeks heat up like that.

“Never look at me like that.” Five glared daggers at him. “And this conversation is inane.”

And on that sour note, Five vanished from sight.

Diego didn’t see Five until the weekend. Well, of course, he _saw_ him, but only in the strictest definition of the word. Heated glances at Five’s desk when Pogo substitute taught their school lessons. The occasional glare across the table at mealtimes. Diego even tried to spar with Five during the training sessions Luther was designated oversight of, but even Luther had enough foresight to separate that pairing. But other than all of that, Five was back to avoiding Diego like the plague.

It was Saturday afternoon. Diego had just finished his post-workout shower when he made his way to the main sitting room to join his siblings, as Pogo and Grace had granted the weekends to be free for the teenagers to enjoy while Reginald was away. Klaus was somewhere by the bar, trying to pick the lock to the liquor cabinet. He was flanked by Ben, who was chattering on about a novel he had been reading and was distracting Klaus to the point of failure. Luther and Allison were sitting a little too close on one of the couches, talking and laughing softly amongst themselves. Vanya sat in an armchair, one earbud in her ear as she listened to her beloved Phantom of the Opera soundtrack on an old mp3 player. Five was on the other couch, seemingly lost in thought as he flicked through a book.

Diego tried to appear casual as he approached him, sitting next to him on the couch.

“Hey Five,” He started.

Five merely glowered up at him.

“What, you’re still not talking to me?”

“Nope.” Five said, popping the ‘p’ as he instantly disappeared in a flash of blue light.

Diego couldn’t stop his jaw from dropping. The fucking _nerve_ of that little brat.

“Trouble in paradise?” Klaus teased, peeking up over the bar to peer into the room.

“Seriously, that was weird.” Allison added. “What was that?”

Diego shrugged in response. “It’s still a little awkward between us, I guess.”

“What, did you all get in an argument or something?” 

“Something like that.” Diego said, really not wanting to discuss this in front of the rest of his siblings. “We still haven’t really talked about what happened.”

“Wait, what?” Luther asked. “What do you mean you haven’t ‘really’ talked about it?”

Maybe it was because he was Luther, but his use of air quotes was particularly annoying to Diego,

“Well it’s not like I didn’t try.” Diego said defensively. “I mean, you know how Five is. We barely talked about it a few days ago and now he won’t even look at me.”

“That’s true,” Vanya contended from her spot across the room, twisting one of her earbuds between her fingers. “He has been especially flighty recently.”

“Can you blame him?” Allison asked. “You’re right, Diego. We all know how Five is. Which is exactly why you need to go talk to him.”

“I _tried_.” Diego insisted.

“Then try again.” She rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Diego, it’s Five. You’ve got to corner him and make him talk to you.”

“You do realize he can teleport, right?” Diego asked incredulously. “Like, he just did.”

“Not literally corner him.” She said.

“She’s right.” Ben chimed in from the bar.

“Yeah,” Klaus agreed. “It’s Five. You have to confront him until he realizes it’s easier to just get it over with than make all of us deal with the tension for any longer.”

“There has been a lot of tension.” Luther sent a sort of sympathetic grimace in Diego’s direction.

“Maybe you all just need to bone it out again, you know what I mean? Replace that old memory with a new one and- HEY!” Klaus exclaimed. Ben had snatched the lock pick from Klaus’ hands and was sprinting out of the room, Klaus hot on his heels.

“Well, I guess they’re gone, too, now.” Allison chuckled, sitting back and settling into Luther’s side. “I bet Five is still around the academy somewhere. It would probably be wise for you to go find him and squash this for good.”

Diego thought it over for a while, deciding to give Five an hour or so to himself before he went to find him.

It took Diego another half hour just to locate Five. He felt like he had checked everywhere in the academy, and for a short while he began to believe that perhaps Five was teleporting away whenever he heard footsteps descending in on him.

But finally, he remembered how sometimes Five would hide in the attic when he wanted to truly be alone.

“I thought you were supposed to be having trouble with your spatial jumping.” Diego said, making his presence known to Five.

“And I told you that I would be fine to teleport days ago.” Five said, barely looking up from his book.

“What…” Diego struggled to make conversation. “What are you reading?”

Five tipped the back of his book up.

“Fundamentals of Physics.” Diego read. “Of course.”

“Did you come up here to question me about classical mechanics?” Five asked. “Or are you going to continue to stand in the middle of the room, de trop.”

Diego frowned at him. He knew that he struck a nerve with him earlier and was originally just going to apologize and try to finish their conversation, preferably with both of them agreeing to never discuss it again. But then there was Five. Reclining on the dusty French chaise and reading an ancient textbook and acting as though he hadn’t a care in the world. Acting as though he wasn’t the one who had essentially stormed out of the room merely an hour before.

Diego made his way to the chaise lounge, unceremoniously pushing Five’s legs off so he could sit down.

“Why did you leave like that?” He asked.

“Again, I told you already. The conversation was-”

“Inane, I remember.” Diego cut him off. “But you were the one who wanted us to discuss what happened, and that’s what we’re going to do. Now be real with me or we’re not going to make any progress. Why’d you leave?”

Five glared at him for a moment.

“It’s just you and me up here, Five.” Diego continued. “Drop the act and just talk to me, mano-a-mano. Haven’t we been through enough together? Don’t you think we owe each other that modicum of respect?”

“Fine. You were patronizing. I don’t appreciate being condescended to and I don’t like how you were looking at me.” 

“How I looked at you?”

“When I told you I hadn’t been with anyone sexually.” Five explained. “I don’t like the way you looked at me. I’m not a child or a victim or what have you. You don’t need to pity me. We were both inebriated. My coital positioning is irrelevant to my victimhood, and the same goes for you.”

“I don’t pity you.” Diego clarified. “And I wasn’t sympathetic to you because you bottomed, for Christ’s sake.”

“Unsavory word choice.” Five cringed.

“Is it?” Diego inquired. “Either way, I agree with you about victimhood or whatever. Obviously, I feel guilty about what happened, but-”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Stop interrupting me. What I’m saying is: I wish that it wasn’t your first time.”

“Not all of us believe in the archaic notions of virginity.”

“That’s not to say that your first time doesn’t mean anything.” Diego argued. “I mean, it’s not like you’re a different person now or something. But your first time shouldn’t have been on the floor of a mad scientist’s green house. You should at least be able to remember it.”

And in the heat of the moment, Diego laid a hand on Five’s knee. They both looked down at his hand. Five’s expression was stoic, but he couldn’t hide the way his cheeks reddened.

“Well…” Five trailed off sheepishly.

_So uncharacteristically Five!_

“I don’t think it was all bad.”

Diego raised his eyebrows, shocked at the admission. “Do you remember much?”

“No, just glimpses.” Five shrugged. “But… I’m sure Klaus has been regaling you with details about how the sounds were, uh, dithyrambic in nature. Quite the frenzy.”

“If you’re saying that we were loud, than yes, I have also heard that.” Diego said. “But I do remember you being pretty into it, too.”

“Of course, I was into it,” Five rolled his eyes. “I was drugged. But…” He trailed off again. “What do you remember?”

“Oh, nothing much, just the most erotic experience of my life.” Diego joked. “You know, Klaus even suggested we do it again. Just to get it out of our systems.”

Five blinked at him.

“I’m joking.” Diego clarified. “Obviously.”

“Is it?” Five questioned. “Obvious, that is.”

And.

_Oh._

Diego was not expecting that.

“Let me guess his logic.” Five said. “He thinks we need to do it again, but sober this time? To replace the objectionable conclusion of the previous encounter with a more preferable resolution?”

“Something of the sort.” Diego said, his heartbeat starting to pick up speed.

“That is asinine.”

“Yes.” Diego agreed, trying not to sound disheartened.

“I think we should do it.” Five dropped his textbook on the ground with a loud _thunk_. Diego wasn’t certain what startled him more.

“Wait- You do?”

“It’s stupid. But… I don’t have a better idea.”

“ _You_ don’t have a better idea?” Diego thought out loud.

“I can’t say I haven’t considered it.” Five said. “I keep envisioning that day, with the two of us. The glimpses that I still remember. They play on repeat in my head. And I promise you, my previous ‘virginhood’ as you would call it was due purely to apathy, not any notions of abstinence. You didn’t take anything from me.”

“No,” Diego agreed. “I know I didn’t. But… I still wouldn’t mind giving you a do-over.”

“A do-over.” Five echoed.

“Yeah, a do-over. Not your actual first time. But a first time you could remember.”

“And you’d want to do that?” Five asked, something self-conscious flickering behind his eyes.

“Hell yeah, I’d want to do that.” Diego leaned closer to him. “Five, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I’ve wanted to be around you all week. To apologize, or to make sure you were okay. But also, I haven’t stopped wanting you.”

“You want me?” Five repeated again, moving closer to him as well.

“You’re a dream, sweetheart.” Diego gently cupped Five’s jaw in his hand. “Even when you’re bitchy and bossy and mean, you’re so hot. I’ve always wanted you.”

“Okay, then.” Five nodded, swallowing thickly. “Fuck it. Let’s do it.”

And like that, they were on each other. It was fast and hard and hot; the kiss was heady and immediately clouding Diego’s mind.

_Finally._

That first time, he had thought that Five was so crazed because he was drugged. But now, both of them completely sober, Five was just as frantic. Diego raked his fingers through the smaller boy’s soft hair, forcing him to calm down and follow Diego’s lead. Five whined softly against his lips at the sensation and Diego wanted him naked immediately. In the back of his mind, he remembered that they were in an open space and any one of their siblings could have climbed up the stairs to check on them at any moment. But when he pulled away, he saw the way that Five’s desire had darkened his gaze and he tried to push the thought from his mind. Unsuccessfully. 

“Do you think Allison and Luther have fucked up here?” Diego asked, distracted by genuine curiosity.

“Diego,” Five shook his head. “You convince me to let you fuck me again, and then you have to go and ask the daftest questions.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Diego pulled Five’s feet into his lap, starting to untie his shoes. “You’re the family genius.” Diego slipped off the right shoe. “And I’m just some hot piece of meat.” Left shoe.

“Daft piece of meat.” Five corrected. “And I’m just saying, if we’re going to do this, you could stand to act less vapid.” Diego peeled one of his socks off his foot. “You were the one who wanted my first time to be memorable, and I don’t want to spend it considering whether or not Luther and Allison utilize this same attic for their own escapades.”

Five cut himself off with a faint sigh as Diego dug his thumb into the arch of Five’s foot.

“Feel good?” Diego asked.

Five nodded hesitantly.

“Then relax.” Diego said. “It’s just you and me up here, alright? You don’t have to act all tough and intellectual.”

“It’s not an act.”

“Uh huh,” Diego said, cracking Five’s toes. “Just let me help you pull that stick out of your ass, sweetheart.”

Before Five could protest, Diego released his feet and pulled on his legs so Five slid almost onto his lap.

“Good trick, right?” Diego grinned.

“Don’t stop to congratulate yourself on my account.” Five rolled his eyes. “Just kiss me.”

Diego’s grin grew. “Much obliged, darlin’”.

“That’s not how you use ‘much obliged’-”

And once again, Diego’s lips were on his. Five responded instantaneously. Diego pulled Five the rest of the way into his lap, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tight as Five’s hands found their way to his hair, tugging and scratching and _fuck_ , Diego was already hard.

Diego ran his tongue over Five’s bottom lip, and when Five opened his mouth more and Diego was able to actually slip his tongue inside, he was rewarded with a muffled groan and full-bodied shudder.

_So responsive._

But as Diego grew bolder, so did Five. Five shifted, throwing one of his legs over both of Diego’s, straddling him and nipping at his bottom lip with his teeth. Instinctively, Diego grabbed his waist and pulled him down, grinding against the boy in his lap. Diego’s breath hitched as their erections rubbed together.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Diego purred, his hand slipping over the front of Five’s pants. “You need some help with this?”

Five nodded, breathless. Diego undid his belt and unzipped his pants, pulling his cock out of his boxers in one fluid motion. A wave of satisfaction coursed through Diego’s body as he thumbed over Five’s slit to find the boy was already wet with precum.

Five twitched at the sensation, and Diego was once again reminded that he was the only person in the world who had ever seen him like this. He felt a prickle of something possessive run down his spine as he circled the head of Five’s dick with his fingers, listening to his breathing quicken and feeling him fall apart in his hands.

“Don’t tease.” Five mumbled. “’S not fair.”

“Oh baby,” Diego breathed into his ear, treasuring the way the warm air made Five tremble. “You really need it, don’t you?”

“If you’re expecting to me to ask for it, you are going to be suitably disappointed.”

“If you keep up that attitude, you’re going to make me think I haven’t been doing my job right.” Diego smirked.

“Do you ever shut up?” Five sneered, although it lacked its usual venom. 

Diego chuckled in response, digging through his wallet and finding the condom and single use packet of lube that only lived in it, truthfully, as a brag.

“Don’t worry, honey,” Diego whispered. “I’ll give you what you need.”

He lifted Five off of his lap, suddenly tipping them backwards so that Five was laying with his back flat against the couch. Diego pulled down Five’s shorts the rest of the way.

“Take your clothes off.” Five ordered, bossy and flustered.

Diego watched Five as he deftly unbuttoned his own shirt before throwing it somewhere on the ground. Hooking his fingers into the waistband of his underwear, revealing the skin underneath ever-so-slowly.

When they were both naked, Diego retook his place between Five’s legs, rubbing the lube between his fingers and sinking lower on the couch. He hooked one of Five’s legs over the lower end of the back of the chaise, spreading him open before he circled his rim with one finger before pushing in to the first knuckle. Five fisted the material of the couch, his knuckles turning white. Diego could feel just how tense he was.

“Relax, sugar,” Diego hummed.

Diego unceremoniously lowered his mouth onto Five’s cock, sucking and bobbing his head with earnest as he pushed his finger in the rest of the way. Five cried out, one of his hands flying to tug at Diego’s hair. Diego kept this up for a while, moving his finger around and reveling in how tight and sensitive Five was. By the time he pushed in a second finger, Five was a mess, gyrating his hips and moaning into his own hand, which he had slapped against his mouth. Diego pulled off of his cock, teasing the head with little kitten licks as the pads of his fingers stroked his prostate.

“Oh, fuck,” Five shivered.

“You like that?” Diego’s voice was husky.

“Don’t ask fatuous quest-” Five cut himself off with a frustrated whimper as Diego purposefully slowed down his strokes. Five instinctively tried to buck his hips up, but Diego splayed a hand across Five’s stomach, holding him down so that Five could only twitch in response to the teasing torment.

“Hey,” Diego tsked disapprovingly. “What did I say about the attitude?”

“Diego,” Five whined. “Come on, keep going.”

“Are you going to be nice, honey?” Diego shot back.

Diego kept up the slow tempo as Five sat up, leaning back on his elbows so he could try to glare at him. The effect of the glare was dampened, however, by his ruddy cheeks and shallow breathing.

They were both frozen for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes. _This_ , Diego decided, was the most erotic moment of his life.

“Are you going to be a good boy?” He taunted.

Diego pushed in a third finger, twisting them against the boy’s prostate and sinking his mouth back down onto his dick. Five practically keened in relief, Diego lifting the hand that was holding him down and letting Five buck into his mouth.

“Okay, fuck it, fine,” Five moaned. “I’ll be good. Come on, Diego, fuck me, I’m ready.”

Five watched behind hooded eyes as Diego reached for the condom he had set aside earlier, slipping it on and then slicking himself up with more lube.

“Oh my God,” huffed Diego as he drove slowly into Five, watching how his eyes fluttered shut and his mouth dropped open with a moan.

Five threw an arm over his eyes when Diego finally bottomed out, giving him a moment to adjust.

“No hiding, beautiful,” Diego said, prying Five’s arm away. “Let me see you.”

When Five allowed his face to be uncovered, finally looking into Diego’s eyes, Diego couldn’t help but groan. Five’s pupils were shot, his expression wonton and his pretty eyes dark with lust. He had never seen Five so openly vulnerable, and yet, he had also never felt so seen as he did as those sharp eyes roamed over his face. He felt so hot, so exposed. Like he could come or start crying in an instant. Diego couldn’t bear to glance down at where he disappeared between Five’s thighs. 

And suddenly, all of his plans to partially recreate their animalistic fucking from the week before flew out the window. He wanted to savor this, to give Five a proper first time and make it last.

He leaned down and kissed him full on the mouth, feeling Five fall apart beneath him. Feeling the way his breathing hitched at the slow drag of Diego’s cock against his prostate and the stimulation of his own cock trapped between their abdomens.

“Oh fuck,” Five groaned. “Diego, it’s so much.”

“I know, baby, it’s a lot for me, too,” Diego hummed, pressing kisses against his face. “Relax, I got you.”

Neither of them could last much longer after that. There was too much build up, too much tension. A fraying rope drawn taut, about to snap.

And snap, it did.

“Oh, _Diego_ ,” Five all but sobbed as he came, arching his back and pressing himself so close to Diego.

Diego couldn’t hold out either, fucking him through his orgasm before the erratic tightening of his walls sent Diego hurtling off the edge as well, calling out Five’s name.

He didn’t immediately pull out after that, instead staying inside of Five as he softened. It took a minute for the two of them to catch their breath, their chests heaving slightly as they were pressed flush together. Diego gently rolled off of him, laying next to him shoulder to shoulder. Without any blankets on the couch, they both grew cold quickly.

“It’s freezing in here.” Five whispered, snuggling closer to Diego.

“I know.” Diego whispered back, smiling at him and pressing a kiss into his hair.

Five grinned up at him impishly, winding both of his arms around Diego’s neck and suddenly the space around them was warping in a flash of blue light as they were suddenly bouncing onto Five’s bed.

And Diego’s heart filled, his smile growing wide. This was Five’s way of inviting him to spend the night with him. It was so sweet that Diego couldn’t even find it in himself to bitch about not getting a warning.

“Our clothes are still in the attic.” He whispered instead.

“We’ll get them in the morning.” Five whispered back, pulling the blankets up around them.

In the small twin bed, Five had to sleep half on top of Diego all night to keep from falling off of the bed, his head on his chest and their legs tangled in the sheets. Neither of the boys complained. Skin to skin, separated by nothing, the pair was molded together completely. Diego didn’t know what this meant for their future, but he was comforted by the knowledge that they would get to figure it out together. He had never felt as happy as he did when he slept in Five’s bed. He had never felt so emotionally _whole_.

And if any of their siblings searched for them later and poked around in the attic during the night to discover two sets of academy uniforms, a condom wrapper, and a packet of lube, that would be a problem for the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> [Also, I just made a tumblr today if you want to follow me or be friends!](https://jenpix-tua.tumblr.com)


End file.
